i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and she was petting her beer can
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
