it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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