So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
