We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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