Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
