Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
