Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
