can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
