I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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