Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
