Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
