forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
