Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
