I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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