He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
