there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
