I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
