Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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