I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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