Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
