VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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