i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
