I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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