Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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