she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
