OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
