Need sex. Gaining weight.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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