Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
