Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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