"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
