Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
