I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
