I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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