he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
