I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
