dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
