Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
