His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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