you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
