home. puking in laundry basket.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
