About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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