So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I look better un-naked...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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