insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
