wrigley field is MILF paradise
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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