Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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