where am i from again
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
