but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
