I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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