"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
