would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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