its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
