Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
