I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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